Saturday, November 11, 2017

In Sickness and in Health- Thoughts from our 42nd Anniversary

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: if either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. 
~Ecclesiastics 4:9

My doctor is a young widow. She shared,"There is no handbook for when your husband has brain cancer."

If there was, it would tell you that life is as precious as you decide it is or not. 

As a young bride, I really didn't have a true understanding that either of us would really be called to care for the other in sickness. I certainly did not comprehend the collateral beauty of bonds deepened through trials beyond our control.

'Julia Child' blooms nearly year- round. 

Cancer heightens awareness. Every day is different. Every hour is different. I can recount what has happened the last 4 hours- but the next 4 is always in God's hands. 

'Meerlo' lavender- 
Should have. Would have. Could have. These are useless thoughts. My husband is finally home enjoying time watching me try to keep up with the garden of our hearts.

Take action, or forget it. This summer was time to do something about moving 'Meerlo' lavender up the wish-list. For heat tolerance, it was bred with the constitution of a John Deere tractor. Planted in the hell strip between the spa and our garden, the plantar now  wears the most luxuriant lavender scent. Ever. 

Asclepias Curassavica - butterfly weed
Accepting serious illness is not the same as giving up. A couple holes in the leaves of the milkweed do not deter from its lovely purpose...

For look who comes to dinner. Hang-out. Fly away. To watch the fat-crawly thing encase himself in a chrysalis and then emerge as a butterfly... miracles happen every day... the secret is to notice. Count them... and make them count.

Like our family, this daylily multiplied and spread
As one of my oldest- err- longest friends, artist Charlie Mott advised "Be strong. Be honest. Be present. Always give and accept love. BREATHE." 

Unruly patch of narcissus  
Accept imperfection as part of life. Not everything is equal in importance. 

What I have learned being married more years than single, is that being right is not nearly as important as the relationship itself. Husbands and wives- take care of each other.    

The face of faith and courage. My husband.
Never allow yourself to think of yourself as a victim. That is a dark hole with no benefits.  Choose to LIVE: survive and thrive. 

Thank you to friends and family who have brought real joy to us in what is a challenging- but rewarding- time.   



  1. Bless you both for your stamina and fight. No way can it be easy or uncomplicated. I didn't have to do what you are going through, my Jerry just left this life abruptly nearly 11 years ago. Still very hard to live with and live without him.
    Prayers and good thoughts your way.

  2. What a beautiful homage to marriage, Lydia. I'm so glad to have read this first this morning with my morning music playing as an accompaniment.
    Oh what a time to be alive.
    Thank you for sharing your anniversary with us, along with your flowery friends.
    Seven months it took to hit the typewriter? I'm hoping it felt good to you and you'll give us more of your musings. I'll notice things right along with you. My early morning attention took me outside, before coffee, to take part in the crow-and-walnut tree party there. They threw walnuts down and I cracked them with a hammer. The song that was playing was unplanned by me and full of the story of this morning. My world is made infinitly sweeter with serendipity.
    Gram Parsons sang this .."and it makes me feel better, each time it begins calling me home..Hickory Wind."
    Have a beautiful anniversary.

  3. "May the Lord bless you and keep you" both. Those are the final words in the Catholic Church just before the priest ends the service.
    Lydia, you and Gerry are never far from my thoughts and always in my prayers.

    Your Biblical quote brought to mind what a friend told me on the phone the other day. Her husband wants to move to another state but she does not. She has her work here. He wants to move closer to his son and family. He says he will leave her and go without her. She tells me if that happens she will have no one. No children, no family at all, nothing. She jokingly said "Maybe I should get a dog". My guarded advice to her was "GO! Go with your husband! Don't be left here alone." She has friends but no other family.

    You have family and friends and just know that we are here for you.
    As I said last night at an event to a lady you and I both know, There is a jeweled crown for you in Heaven.

    Hugs and Love to you and Ger,

    XO Trisha

  4. Phyllis, I'm not ready to deal with deadlines, but I expect this journaling is a needed step in my own healing.

    Trisha- Thank you for your kind thoughts. The Lutheran Church also ends it service with the entreaty of Numbers to go in peace.

    It is good that any jewels destined for my life are in heaven, for here I would surely get them dirty in the garden!

    I shall pray for your friends to work out their differences on where to live so that they are both at peace with the end decision.

    Blessings to you and yours.

  5. Thank you, Gloria!


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